Let go of what doesn’t work

If we look around at our local community what do we see? A Place. People. Poverty.

It is a sad but factual truth that we live in an of multiple deprivation, it doesn't take long before each of us can think of an example. Often when living in this context its hard. Hard for many reasons. 

When working as an artist or in a creative field you are typically faced with imposter syndrome. Imposter syndrome is the feeling of being a fake or undeserving of the position you find yourself in. Even if you've worked incredibly hard to get there. 

Growing up as a working class artist, being involved in drama and performance it was glaringly obvious to me from a young age that the industry I was desperate to be a part of was not built for me it first became apparent at the age of 9, it was lunch time at a drama camp I attended at the Adam Smith in Kirkcaldy. Everyone else had money for lunch at the cafe, I had packed lunch, this was no issue for me at the time I love a packed lunch, it was the response the packed lunch got that was an issue for me.

The following day it was expected everyone had brought their jazz shoes I didn’t have jazz shoes and had to take part in my bare feet. My mum and dad, have never seen us go without so that day I got my first ever pair of dance shoes. Turns out it was my last pair too, I am not a trained dancer even if I do a mean cha cha slide.

I always been very fortunate to have an incredibly supportive and encouraging family and not just family but really really good friends. I chased my dreams all the way to drama school but it took a village, a to community send me there. From taking me to the bus station or train station, to buying me shopping to paying a bill for me, I was never without unwavering support and help. For which I will be forever grateful and I used to be embarrassed and frustrated this was my reality but actually the kindness I experienced deserves to be celebrated. The truth of the matter is that further education is often unattainable to the average working class family. 

That is partly why I moved home, I owe it to my community. 

I come home from Glasgow in June 2017 and l am full of hope, plans and determination. However there is nothing here no infrastructure, no theatre arts industry or opportunity, l turned down work back in Glasgow and in Edinburgh to be here but suddenly I'm alone and I have no work. However, my biggest concern was the lack of access, opportunity and the heightened levels of poverty in my area.

Suddenly I am propelled back to my pals, my family, and my old job. 4 years at Scotlands leading drama institution to work the job I had when I was 15… and you know what? Thank the gods. I loved that job- it was easy, the people are great and the environment was a welcomed contrast from the elitest spaces I occupied months before. 

All around me though, it became clearer and clearer to me, people were down in the dumps, pissed off and frustrated. More and more people were becoming depressed, out of work and frustrated with the state of living. As someone who is naturally empathic it was hard to not feel it and get bogged down in it myself. 

As part of this we often then form or build up parts of our identity to protect ourselves from the shit. We become the shy one, the loud one, the couldn’t be bothered one, the unimpressed one and the list goes on. We stop being approached or asked, so therefore we stop reaching or chasing opportunities and then the imposter syndrome kicks in so when do have a chance we don’t feel like we belong there and get a serious case of the guilts.

Now I’m all for self preservation and protecting yourself but if those parts of your identity aren’t working for you anymore and are hindering your progress let them go. Shed that skin. Dye your hair, start wearing the clothes you want to wear. Get a piercing for fucks sake. Live in the skin you want to live in, push your morals to the front of your being and get used to fighting.

Me? Well everyone knows I’m ready to fight for what I believe in, I’m not saying that’s easy - it’s really not. It is however, worth it! 

Start stating your business, your politics and people will rally around you and help make it work. We might not have much in this area, we might all be struggling but man do we love supporting others. We have kindness, fight and champions in abundance. If you can make a small positive change in the community you’ve come from, then you are well on your way to making the world we want to see.

My doors always open, the notebooks always ready, let’s make some changes.